To Leave Or To Stay?

*Cold Winter Morning - Around 5:00 am*

Tang tang tang, the sound of the prayer bell woke me up, it is my mother offering her morning prayers to God. Walking up to the window I watched the sun rise, it was a beautiful view. I loved this part of my day but today I couldn't smile, I frowned at the thought that my life has become so mediocre, plain as the color white, boring as a journey in a flight. I wanted to live my life, experience new things and mostly, earn some money, so I decided to move to the city.

Oh, before I forget, let me introduce myself. I am a very simple and boring village boy, no knowledge of what's in the outside world. My whole world is my small loving family, mom, dad and a little sister. I am a shy & reserved type of person, no idea what's the fast culture's like. I wake up everyday to my mother's prayer bell and watch the sun rise. My life was good but felt like it was missing something, so I decided to go to the city and make some money. What kind of job you ask? Well, it doesn't really matter, it's a good job and has a decent pay. Now you are probably wondering what's my name, isn't it? What name would a typical village boy have, any guesses? Raju? NO! c'mon not every villager is called by that name! My name is Rahul, naam tho suna hi hooga.(Okay I need to shut up now.)

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*Three Months Later*

City life was very tough on me. No one to take care of me. Same old job daily, same old eating, same old sleeping. Even my mother's prayer bell was replaced by my phone's alarm. I felt very lonely, I missed my family. Is this what living life feels like? I wish I had never left my village, I was homesick, on top it, these noisy neighbors weren't helping either, they played loud music every night as if the whole colony was a party place, I hated them to my gut so when I heard they were leaving , I was never more relieved. This was my life now, my new mediocre life (Isn't it funny?).

I went to bed wishing that my mother's prayer bell would wake me up tomorrow, I feel exhausted.

Tang tang tang, a distinct bell woke me up. I can't tell if I am dreaming or is this reality. Tang tang tang, it rings again, I rushed to the window, my eyes started searching restlessly to see who it was, in the adjacent window, for the first time, I see her. She is an average looking girl, had her wet hair wrapped up in a towel, tiny little droplets of water dripping down her face which she oh-so-gently wiped off with her delicate fingers. She was singing the Gayathri Mantra, oh her voice is like hymn to my ears. Her eyes are so striking, they reflected her pure soul. And her smile, when she smiled, God! She looked so divine. I don't know for long I was standing there admiring her simplicity when finally my phone alarm rang, breaking my chain of thoughts, bringing me back to reality.

Three weeks passed this way, I didn't need an alarm anymore, she is my wake up call now, my new neighbor. Day in and day out she was on my mind, she reminds me so much of my mother. I'm not feeling lonely anymore, I'm happy, I am in love and I have to tell her.

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It's evening time, I was at a nearby shop, smoking cigarettes. I feel a familiar presence next to me, I turn to see who, it's her, "Bhayya 2kg aalo dena please." she politely asks the shopkeeper, after 2 minutes the shopkeeper gives her a bag and she says "Thank you" and starts walking away. All this time I stand there frozen, I couldn't utter a word, couldn't even say hello, by the time I gained my senses she was walking away. I run towards her, knowing I wouldn't get such an opportunity anytime time sooner. I was standing in front of her panting due to all the running, she looked at me puzzled. I'm still gasping for air but I talk to her anyways

"Hi, I am Rahul"

"And I am not interested" (Wow, this girl's got some attitude.)

"And I Love You" (Great going, now why don't you also tell her, how many kids you want to make in the first meet itself, sucker.)

She looks at me with disgust and starts walking away, swaying her body in a rhythmic way. Now, I can't really blame her, can I? But I'm not ready to give up so easily either, I run after her

"No no, I am not a creep, please just listen to me for two minutes"

"Okay fine", she answers.

"I see you as my mother" (Shit, WHAT?)

"Good for you", she starts walking again.

"No no no, wait, that's not what I meant, I am not good at this, it's my first time, listen please."

She stops but doesn't utter a word. I spoke again

"I love the way your eyes twinkle to the sun rays. I love it when you smile. I love your innocence. I love your simplicity. I wake up to your prayer bell every morning, just like I did to my mother's. When I look at you I don't feel alone, I feel closer to my family. You remind me of all the good times with them. It's like I got connected to you in the first sight. I don't care about your looks, I only care for your soul. I love and respect my mother and sister more than anything else in the world and that's the same way I feel about you. So yeah, if that's what love is, then I love you", I pour my heart out to her.

She smiles and walks away. She is killing me but little did I knew that she would fall for me and that's exactly what happened two days later she coyly said, "I love you too."

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*Six Months Later*

Everything was perfect between us. We met almost everyday, we gave each other all the space we needed. I never objected her from doing what she loves and she gave me my freedom as well. We held hands, also gave each other a little peck on the cheek now and then, but no, we didn't kiss yet, she said she wanted to wait till our marriage, I loved her even more for that. Our love was true and pure, we were each others happy place. Like I said, everything was perfect, until today.

It all started when received a call from an unknown number earlier this afternoon.

"Hello"

"Is this Rahul?"

"Yes, may I know who is speaking?"

"Ooh, so you're the one, Anjali's new boyfriend" (Anjali as in my girlfriend, but what did he mean by new boyfriend?)

"Yes, but what do you mean by NEW?"

"(laughing) So that bitch hasn't told you about me till now? Meet me at the park nearby your colony by 5pm and I will tell you everything." Click, the call cut silent.

My mind went blank. What did he mean by new boyfriend? And how dare he call my Anjali a bitch. What does he think of himself? I can't wait to find out the answers. I left my office at 4 in the evening and reached the park early by 4:30 pm. I took out my Marlboro cigarettes and lit one up, like its dense smoke my mind was filled with dense thoughts too, but I could do nothing for now except to wait.

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The clock finally strikes 5. After another 10 minutes of wait, I see a shady looking guy walking up to me

"Rahul?"

"Yes"

"Arun, we spoke earlier on the phone. Oh, you remember, otherwise you wouldn't be waiting here like a loser", he laughs at his own pathetic joke.

"Shut up and come to the point you ass hole", I shout.

"Whoa whoa, calm down buddy, chill, relax. You don't want to get your big brother mad, do you? ", he winks at me.

"Brother? Are you out of your mind?"

"I don't think that bitch of yours ever mentioned, but I had her first,so that makes me your big brother. wouldn't it loser?"

"What do you mean by you had her first?"(I was completely out of my mind by now).

"It means that I took her virginity, I had her first. Man, I must say I quite miss it now though", he says with a cheap grin.

I stand there numb. I don't know if what I heard was right. Tears flowing down my face, I rag upon him "You sick bastard".

We started beating the shit out of each other, and at the end of it, I was left with a torn shirt and bruised face and it was same for that bastard, expect he was bleeding from his nose, that satisfied my ego a bit.

"Stop lying and go home, you sick pervert", I cry.

"Dude, look at it for yourself if you think I'm lying". He started showing me his text messages, there were all sorts of intimate messages in them, she never speaks to me this way, then why did she speak to him that way(I am losing my mind). But what broke my heart completely was a text message that read

Anjali : Last night was amazing, let's do it again!!!!

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I'm completely shattered, she is my first love, I thought I was hers too. How could she do this to me, hiding such a huge thing, the most important truth about her past, I thought she wanted to wait for physical intimacy till marriage, at least that's what she told me. Gosh! I hate her so much now, but I still love her. This is so messed up. From how a third person sees it, I only have two options.

1. Stay with her

2. Leave her

But both aren't an option for me. For most of you, it's common, it's all fair, people have a past, you need to learn to look through it to stick together, isn't it? But how can I stay with a person like that, who not only broke my heart but also lied to my face all this time? And for some of you, it's the other way around, you might say to just dump her lying face and move on. but seriously is that so simple? To move on from a person you dearly loved? I can't really make up my mind. My ethics won't allow me to stay with her and my love for her won't let me to leave her. Obviously I am torn. But I have to make a decision, so you tell me

DO I LEAVE? or DO I STAY?